I Love You, Son….5 Books About Aging Parents

Bob Morris first wrote a book about his father, Assisted Loving, in which he chaperones his dad on dates after Bob's mother dies. The inherent awkwardness of being the wingman to a retired traffic court judge who loves bawdy jokes and bridge and happens to be your parent produces mirth, but being wary of commitment and aware that there may not be much time left for your father's romantic adventures provides poignancy.

With this in mind, it should surprise no one that Morris' next book is Bobby Wonderful, about the death of each of his parents. Bobby has always been the freewheeling entertainer, while his older brother Jeff has always been the responsible one. It's Jeff who gets Bobby back early from a scotch-tasting trip in Scotland in time to see the final decline of their mother, who has been wasting away from a blood disorder. Bobby is disturbed by the way that, though unconscious, his mother refuses to go gently into that good night. Bobby's father maintains a chipper facade, even after he tries to commit suicide a few years later after a diagnosis of heart failure. Most of the book is Morris coming to terms with the impending end of his family as he knows it. While about a melancholy subject, there is humor here, often wry. And Bobby grows up a little, realizing that it can be a blessing to serve those who have served us.

Whatever you may think of his politics, Christopher Buckley loves his parents. In Losing Mum and Pup, we get another book about loss shot through with humor. Buckley's parents are not much like anyone else's: his mother is a flamboyant New York socialite and his father is the founder of the modern conservative movement. When they decline and pass away within months of each other, Christopher is at a serious loss. Still, this does not prevent him from making witty observations about hospitals, funeral homes, memorial services and the grief process in general. If you've lost a parent, or to paraphrase Oscar Wilde, been careless enough to lose both, this book may be of some solace.

If you're close to your mother, there's Bettyville by George Hodgman. Hodgman leaves Manhattan to return to his childhood home in small-town Missouri in order to ease his mother into an assisted living facility. She is having none of it. What happens next is the basis of the book, which is full of lessons big and small. Hodgman learns to cook, but he also learns the costs of silence, as his outspoken mother is forced to confront the reality of her gay son's sexuality. Not that this is a completely gloomy book: There's plenty of city-mouse-vs.-country-mouse-hilarity, and Hodgman got his sense of humor from his mother. A touching meditation on rural America and what it means to be family.

If, after reading these books, you're looking for a little practical advice on eldercare and end-of-life medicine, there's Being Mortal by Atul Gawande. He posits that too much is done to prolong a life for a very short time and that crumb of life is not very pleasant because of what is being done to extend it. A surgeon, Gawande offers advice on what to do as a loved one declines. He argues for a variety of hospice options and new ways of treating the elderly and infirm that are not about staving off litigation. Perhaps not as fun a read as those above, but a necessary and important one.

I seem to be on a kick here. For even more recommendations, check out this post on Roz Chast's latest book, about caring for her elderly parents.