Wannabe Librarians

It's a plain fact that everyone wants to be a librarian. The job brings such fantastic excitement and wealth, schoolchildren spend their waking hours dreaming of one day curating the glistening temples of knowledge known to the layman simply as Libraries. But not everyone has what it takes to be a librarian. We can only mourn their failure.

Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards recounts in his memoir Life how he spent his childhood taking refuge in neighborhood libraries, and to this day he supports the noble institution. I don't know what possibly could have led him astray, but he took the easy way out and became an internationally renowned musician.

Golda Meir spent a brief a period as librarian in both Milwaukee and Chicago, but the strain must've been too much for her, so instead she became Prime Minister of Israel. She was so ashamed of abandoning her true calling, it barely even gets a mention in her memoir My Life.

Casanova, after conquering a mythical amount of women, finally realized his life's mission when he became librarian of Count Waldstein's castle in Dux. Casanova: The Man Who Really Loved Women highlights his lesser efforts as an intellectual, spy and seducer, but I'm sure all that time he had secretly been dreaming of the day he could have his own library.

So to all those rock stars, political masterminds and international lovers, all I can say is I pity you. You could've been so much more. You could've been librarians.