Face Your Fears

Ever since I realized that clowns were made of people, I couldn't walk within one hundred yards of a circus tent without breaking out into a cold sweat. Happily, after looking through the library, I discovered there are plenty of people out there with fears as irrational as mine.

Phobias is an adorable little book, cataloging the names of odd phobias and providing funny pictures to go along with them. In case you didn't know,  "arachibutryophobia" is a fear of getting peanut butter stuck to the roof of the mouth, and "phobophobia" is a fear of fearing. Fear of clowns, by the way, is  "coulrophobia".

What Are You Afraid Of? only further cements my adamant terror of The Clown. This teen book is a collection of short stories about all sorts of fears, from fear of knives to fear of your girlfriend's cat. Sure enough, it includes the short story "No Clown Zone", a troubling journey into the horrid consequences of clown terrors.

I need help, and since Jersey Shore was one of the more horrifying developments of the last decade, there's no better way to stare into the heart of fear than by consulting their cast members. Vinny Guadagnino, who thought of himself as the show's voice of reason, suffered from general anxiety disorder and wrote Control the Crazy to help other people with the struggle. The book is a series of helpful tips written in a friendly, informal manner.

I don't know if Vinny G can help me with my horror at the red-nosed threat, but it's worth a shot.